Loving God and loving another man concurrently

Loving God and loving another man concurrently One of my greatest difficulties has always been linked to the word love. Love is this, love is that, you must love your parents, your siblings, family, friends in different degrees. Maybe it has to do with respect, with proximity, with similarity, in harmony. The greatest love belongs to God. God designates your path, who you should walk with or not, who you should marry, how many children you should have, and the religion that connects you to Him. Even if you move from one to another from time to time. Then you find yourself loving someone of the same sex, being against what the Bible seems to say, against your parents, against your brothers and even against your friends until there is a readjustment of everything you have done or are doing so far. The first time I fell in love with another man, I didn't understand anything, neither the second, nor the third, nor the fourth. I was trapped in Christian dogmas that brought on me, guilt, shame and many, many difficulties. The strangest thing was having to break the dogmas in order to get out of the environment in which I lived and live in the environment in which I lived with another life. My first boyfriend suffered horrors at my hands for not accepting what I wanted to live with him, wanting to live with him and get away at the same time. I wanted to be the good guy, but I also wanted to be his man at the same time. And to make my family's reaction worse, it was not negative. The negative reaction was mine. A non-acceptance that reflected more than a mirror the sun that does not cover with the sieve. God was not there accusing me of anything. I was. When I look at my sabotaged relationships, I realize that I haven't lost the love of God, or my parents, or my brothers, or the church I attended, or the admiration of people who were old friends. The need for acceptance was entirely my responsibility. Another sabotage. Therapies didn't work because I didn't want to change myself. I went to look for the answer in God. I ended up finding the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Mormons. It was the first time that I saw a church as functional as this one. Until the inevitable happened: I fell in love with another man and I was reciprocated. The question itself is to stay in the church or live this love. I will not live in the closet, after all, I never lived. My mother always knew and so did my brothers. But the church has a lightness in itself that makes me feel good. I am a man who admires Joseph Smith and who agrees with what he wrote. But loving another man is in my plans. I don't betray God. Not even the church. If I say no, I will betray myself. God does not condemn us for loving a person of the same sex. We condemn ourselves. Sometimes we read the Bible and have surprises. A verse in Song of Solomon caught my attention in 1999 when I was a member of the Gay Christian Community. “Ah! I wish you were like my brother, who suckled my mother's breasts! When I met you outside, I would kiss you; and they would not despise me! I would take you and introduce you to my mother's house and you would instruct me, I would give you to drink aromatic wine, the must of my pomegranates. Your left hand would be under my head, and your right would hug me ” (Song of Songs 8.1-3) As much as I wanted to interpret it as a woman (or the Church) speaking to God, I see a man speaking to another in a subtle way. There is a book called “What the Bible Really Speaks About Homosexuality” from the GLS Editions and I leave a link http://www.soulfoodministry.org/docs/Portugese/Port_BibleHomo.htm of the Metropolitan Church for reading. To conclude, excerpts: "I know and am taught by the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it is unclean" (Romans 14:14, "Revised Standard" version) “Jonathan's soul was linked with David's; and Jonathan loved him, as the soul itself ”(1 Sam. 18: 1). 'Your love was more precious to me than the love of women' (2 Sam 1.26). (David said when Jonathan died).

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